After last night, I could never be a politician.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I love having hate sex.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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