At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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