Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize