Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
soo... how was my night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
