you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
