I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
