you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
