i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize