i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
