Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i think my mom watched the whole time
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
