Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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