my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
