i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
