P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
