Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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