Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
