At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
