That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize