What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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