She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
