oh god the rape fog is back!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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