dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
