I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
