My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
