Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
