hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
