No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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