Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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