Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
