Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
