the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
