Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
