That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
