i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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