I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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