Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
