i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
