so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
