please come you make the beer taste better
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
