Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
