Nicole vs. Life
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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