you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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