the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
