someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
