Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
