we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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