i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
