what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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