Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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