Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I can text with my tongue
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
