I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
