I'm eating all of the evidence.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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