I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
