I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
