I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
