Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
