Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
