I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
