I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
