I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
