Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
