At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize