can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
