Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
