I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
