Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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