So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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