dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
